just-in-time haiku

mist across the lake
wolf howls in the near distance
the home team has scored

H-boy arrives home
checks refrigerator door
beer goes bad Tuesday

jury-rigged haiku

scraping nature scene
from the bottom of my shoe
pebbles, grass and gum

full moon, waving trees
you know the drill--here a frog
jumps up, steals spotlight

inconvenient haiku

H-boy's haikus re
his STDs make it hard
to date haiku chicks.

inverse relationship haiku

the more poems h-boy
writes, the lower his name sinks
on Forbes richest list

idiot-proof haiku

Language is key.
If it's not American
English, they won't read.

Next up, brevity.
Must be short enough to read
during commercials.

But most important:
If you want the big haiku bucks,
gotta sex it up.

irregular haiku

As summer retreats
badger seeks water, food. Dines
in some odd places.

Zen-monk finds bargain:
ten-dollar winter coat, but
the sleeves aren't same lengths.

Spanish verb freaks out.
Needs completely different
root for its past tense.

I, haiku

First law of haiku:
Haiku should do no harm to
its reader, ever.

Second haiku law:
Haiku should not compromise
its author's street cred.

Third law of haiku:
Whatever, dude. Buddha
says we should party.

Italian food haiku

Wheat becomes pasta
pasta boils, softens some.
(But not too much, Al!)

Sausage, crisped nicely,
shiny admidst the onions,
red and green peppers.

And who was it who
figured out a circle of
melted cheese, bread, sauce?

heckler haiku

spring wind across trees...
"Yo h-boy, get a life--I
belch better haiku!"

Whew, tough crowd tonight.
"Yeah, I remember my first
poetry workshop..."

H-boy sucks??? Hey, he
doesn't bug you at Walmart...
tell you how to greet.

Hickenlooper haiku

Successful mayor,
though I suspect many votes
for him were "beer votes."

Could be governor,
staying put. He's already
jumped out of a plane.

Fixed downtown parking
then named Poet Laureate
for Denver--way cool.

horse haiku

SPECIAL GUEST POET -- S. Gabrielle Frey

A horse walks into
a bar in Lamar oh sh*t
there goes our license.

(from an actual bar in the actual Lamar, CO with indeed, an actual horse)

helpful hints haiku

That old used mousepad
can find new life in kitchen
opening tight jars.

Open bananas
from the other end--monkeys
figured this one out.

Don't buy cheap shoes or
beds--you'll be in one of them
nine tenths of the time.

horror movie haiku

sultry summer night
rippled moon reflects on lake
fox showers alone

radioactive
soil resurrects badger
who seeks badger brains

deserted temple
haunted by ghost of poet
writes scary haikus

hellbent for haiku

GET OUTTA MY WAY!!!
Summer light on the mountains--
Gotta write some poems.

Waning afternoon...
HOLY CRAP!! need twelve more kus
before martinis.

Moonight on temple,
poets race past. Do not impede
their top-speed haikus.

Howard (Borden, Cosell, the Duck) haiku

Ur-wacky neighbor--
before Kramer--he'd torment
poor old Bob Newhart.

He's famed for Ali--
but Denverites remember
brick through the TV.

Regrettable film
adaptation, save Lea
Thompson's brief nude scene.

Gertrude Stein haiku

Summer is Summer
frog is a frog is a frog
I'll make some iced tea

The pleasant Spring light
Alice B. prunes gardenias
Hemingway leaves soon

my publisher's note
arrives by late post--four words:
"Write some simple poems."

Golgotha haiku

Do sinners always
come from towns with ugly names?
It must be a rule.

the kind of a place
where devils drive the buses
and monsters sell shoes

the mayor smells bad
but the city's prize gardens
smell twenty times worse

gist haiku

some seasonal light
cricket on a temple floor
you get the picture

the air-hot or cold,
h-boy refers to something
inappropriate

you know, some nature,
some brief self-deprecation
we've been here before

gantry haiku

the morning slant sun
draws crisscross patterns on the
skin of the shuttle

Florida Winter
oddly, snow has formed, condensed
on the chilled fuel tanks

the second tallest
thing around, it falls over
when first tallest leaves

goose juice vs. moose juice haiku

I'm telling you now
never drink in your dreams, Bub.
The bottles get swapped.

The waterfowl tastes
that musky mammal malt brew
and honks in horror.

Musky mammal chugs
from waterfowl's light nectar.
Makes a yucky face.

girly-man haiku

frankly, a poet
is a pretty suspect job
for a guy these days

the other grown men
sky-dive, windsurf, fix their cars,
h-boy writes haikus

my manhood might show
better if I stop writing
in lavendar ink

glad so glad for the gift of life haiku

there is chocolate,
the feel of a perfectly
thrown nerf football

Beethoven's Seventh
and the pleasure of a short nap
outside in the breeze

6 cold cans of beer
and a turkey sandwich, chips,
the view of the hills

grieving haiku

darkness and quiet
frog has hopped away somewhere
didn't hear him go

feeling my oats/age haiku

first day of summer
h-boy wears shorts, preens for chicks
chicks do not notice

Friday evening
my brain conjures neon, drinks
body groans me to bed

woman stares at me
I smooth my hair, check mirror
oh, fly was open

fez haiku

Somewhere, Morocco.
I'd like to buy a red hat,
put it on, blend in.

just the thing to wear
when next me and my posse
drive the tiny car

AND THIS JUST IN FROM SPIKE FARRELL:
fez haiku two

"I don't know the name,
but the fez is familiar"
will still get a groan

fits neatly in the palm of your hand haiku

revolvers, knives, clubs
so many good graspable
ways to kill a guy

pen, pencil, crayon
so many handles with which
we can write our threats

yeah, well we all knew
that h-boy was gonna get
around to, you know...

Frankenstein haiku

a season image
from someone else's dead poem
like a stolen head

midsection, nature
but not normal nature...it's
some talking lizard

the monster shuffles
off on borrowed jokey legs
to kill its author

flea circus haiku

funny little tent
with its spider web trapeze
thimble for splashdown

tiny ringmaster
bravely sticks his head into
jaws of ant-lion

it takes five hundred
clowns to fill up that silly
orange plastic car

fossilized haiku

in the future dust
paleontologists dig
poem up with lasers

buried by layers
of metaphor sediment
written geology

scraping through granite
and seventeen tiny bones
begin to emerge

Edgar Allan Poe haiku

he hung with this guy
who had an OCD bird
repeated itself

stands on study shelf
with Sigmund and Albert E.
Albert kicks his butt

winter on the pond
the frog sleeps beneath the silt
still hear his damn heart

empathy haiku

ticket on windshield...
who knows what kind of troubles
beset meter maids?

I step in dog poop.
What sad digestive patient
had to go outside?

Don't look for your shoes.
They are on my feet for at
least eleven blocks.

elbow haiku

funny ulnar nerve
wraps around the outside bone
no protection -- wham!

Darwin must be right
those with unbending arms can't
eat enough pizza

some ache from tennis
some are victims of keyboards
h-boy's? self-abuse

evocative dreams haiku

my bro-in-law Tom
and I race to catch ferry
to Nietzsche Island

in the locker room
I must make tossed salad for
Washington Redskins

gauzy misty room
someone snores by me in bed
it's Arnold Palmer

Ella Fitzgerald haiku

the Germans loved her
ate it up when she mangled
Bertold Brecht lyrics

funny girlish voice
coming from this large woman
loved her with Satchmo

English degree haiku

life preparation
study hard, go to college
just to write damn poems

very impressive
in job interviews--that line
on my resume

next life, forget lit...
follow Granny's career tip:
dermatology

dung beetle haiku

what a metaphor!
do we not all spend our lives
building balls of poop?

Dudley Enos haiku

he drove a T-Bird
with vanity plates--just the
letters D-U-D

his slack-jawed students
stared uncomprehendingly
as he read Sappho

I remember well
his one-breasted Amazon
impersonation

Dostoevski haiku

Aloysha is saved
Smerdykov comes to bad end
Ivan: "brain fever"

Early day sunlight
glints off a giant cockroach
no, wait, that's Kafka.

A former girlfriend
said I was her Prince Mishkin.
(from "The Idiot.")

dust of ancient civilizations haiku

Sumeria? or
maybe Babylon?, it still
clogs my sinuses.

that grit in my soup
could well have been scraped off of
some Aztec's sandal

a loud hearty sneeze
and I expel pieces of
Ramses from my nose

drinking salad dressing haiku

whether vinaigrette,
thousand island, spicy ranch--
a shotglass will do

the juice that remains
after the veggies are gone:
vinegar nectar

poor sad haikuboy
no one will kiss him post-lunch
but, mmmmmmm...oniony!

dance of the dictators haiku

Ben Mussolini
enjoyed bacon panini
South of Rimini

Smiling Chairman Mao
wasn't winning at pai-gow
didn't mind somehow

Old Man Pinochet
sat by the dock of the bay
humming Marvin Gaye

Canada haiku

long porous border
sneaky Yanks cross in the night
look for low wage work

proud of mosquitoes
large enough to carry off
pomeranians

just two words: Neil Young
two more: Robertson Davies
oh yeah: back bacon

castration haiku

sensitive subject--
men will always wince taking
the cat to the vet

eunuchs world over
can't help but become bitter
give kings bad advice

catalogue of catastrophic catcalls haiku

"Hey good looking! We'll
be back to pick you up la-
ter." -- M. Microphone

"It would be my great
pleasure to have unmarried
sex with you." -- h-boy

"Is that a Harley
Davidson wrench or are you
just glad to see me?"

Coppola movies haiku

a single housefly
advancing tentatively
across Marlon's head

line of elephants
walk across a skyscraper
romantic Tokyo

sheet of newspaper
wrapped around bullet-proof vest
wrapped around fish

censored haiku

moonlight ______ _______
embracing ___ _____ goat
on the temple floor

_______ ______ ______
as ice continues to melt
_____ ____________

warm afternoon light
____ convention ___ dentists
plaque award _____

curse of the compact car haiku

my canoe paddles
into this small quiet shoal
between two cruise ships

my pony and I
sometimes get boxed out by the
other's elephants

enough metaphor--
why do you need three-ton cars
to go to Safeway?

beat the dog haiku

neighbors for cocktails
wind is audibly broken
I've no other choice

eating on the couch
soup spills into the cushions
someone must be blamed

my wife arrive home
"Who finished the wedding cake?"
sprinkle crumbs on him

beast wishes haiku

raining for a week
if only the Black Lagoon
could be cheerier

I'm glad of my change
but wish that my butler was
still a talking clock

the blond girl was great
but I'd have dropped her post-haste
for a HUGE brunette

brick wall haiku

moonless winter night
the metaphor is so thick
crash right into it

wind riffles the pond
blind man, drive-thru ATM
(instructs in Braille)

old shack in mountains
elk use it as a restroom
meaning lost on me

backyard nudity haiku

with the porch light off
summer evening after dark
that's the correct time

on too warm nights, though,
that "thighs peeling off deckchair"
noise is quite loud

in the buggy months
one must dip tender things
in the can of deet

Bill Bixby haiku

though a widower
he lived an excellent life
as bachelor dad

after son grew up
there was a short-lived stint as
a magician/cop

I sometimes wonder
whether Eddie thought of Lou
Ferigno as "dad"

anvil haiku

no matter how big
or round the rock, this is the
preferred head payload

nothing serves as well
in an archetypal sense
to drop on one's bean

with apologies
to Monty Python--better
than a giant foot

assclown haiku

in our confused time
we've come to worship chairs
envy those that sit

in fact, the best jobs
are thought to be behind desks
instead of oxen

that is, until they
assign me a powerpoint
about oxen butts

abolish haiku

frankly, haikuboy
wonders why the ban hasn't
already happened

what we'd have to do
is cut it off at the source:
arrest Zen poets

alcoholic slushie haiku

strawberry flavored
the kind of berries made by
DuPont Chemical

a strange hue of red
exotic, like the color of
electrified beets

big ass waterpark
in Sheboygan sells them in
big ass quart servings

Antwerp haiku

so evocative
strange name puts me in mind of:
hmmm...nope...just Tom Shane

apparently one
can buy a crapload of gems
with great ease there

wouldn't bet that the
average American
could spell or find it

archaeopteryx haiku

scary dragon bird
unlike ol' Quetzalcoatl
left us some fossils

basically just
kind of a freaky giant
feathered lizard thing

study it for long
enough and you start to get
creeped out by parrots

Zarathustra haiku

did he get to name
Zoroastrianism
or did it name him?

Nietzsche mentions him
but it took Stanley Kubrick
to a-list this name

would wear a loose bra
pied-a-terre in Moosejaw
wooed Jello Biafra

Zizzer Zazzer Zuzz haiku

clever Ted Geisel
did not need a damn zebra
for his alphabet

green or red tummies
or blue, big buck teeth, fuzz head
he would not eat you

like so many Suess
characters, his name is way
fun to say out loud

zen monk haiku

Gum-Bo, the seeker
of truth, would only eat soup--
his teacher liked soup

Fu the wanderer
came at last to the temple
but forgot password

Sadhana is best
achieved in a hot tub, said
the wise Master Steve

Zeezo the Clown haiku

Blinky may have had
the TV show, but this dude
owned birthday parties

no supermarket
would dare grand-open sans his
balloon animals

heard from him last month
he's retired to SoCal
living a Zen life

Zam Zam Room haiku

tiny bar: ten seats
don't try to sit elsewhere though
"tables are all closed"

Bruno tended here
made a decent martini
took crap from noone

drink up silently
don't exhibit irony
kick your ass right out

zebu haiku

an odd beast so named
to give zebra a rest in
the alpha list work

strange looking Asian
cow--this guy has a big hump
over his shoulder

meat and milk aren't good,
but it does resist ticks well
unlike haikuboy

yams(old) haiku

third snow of the year
bought those tubers in August
must taste quite mealy

still, brown, crinkly
they mock us from the basket
only food in house

phone up the Pigboy
we ride out for burritos
before the lunch rush

Yeti haiku

the reason she would
kick Bigfoot's ass: she's tougher
lives three miles up

hunting a sherpa
for your lunch is much harder
than some lost camper

abominable
snowmen actually work
as her assistants

YOINK! haiku

the sound Monty Burns
makes leaning over to grab
Lenny's front tooth bling

the sound Curly makes
when he plays to grabnosing
with Moe and Larry

the best word to say
when the jaws of life at last
pry your body free

yada-yada-yada haiku

haikuboy pursued
a college education
      .      .      .      
now he blogs haikus

there was discussion
of med school, maybe the law,
      .      .      .      
started a poem site

got married, had kids,
house, car, dog, ukulele,
      .      .      .      
a to z haikus

Y2K yak haiku

for a brief moment
it seemed that Mongolia
might just rule the Earth

where economies
fail for the lack of digits
the ox trade stays strong

a few programs did
eat it as expected but
fewer livestock crashed

Yiddish haiku

yank your yarmelkeh
you yeshuvnikeit yukel
yield to the yachsen

yeneh velt yoysher:
yungatsh meets yefayfiyeh
while yenta gets yutz

yo-yo, when written
backwards becomes an ethnic
expression: oy-oy

xenophobia haiku

night at the border
watchman spies through his binocs
other side's watchman

we always fear
foreign languages unless
they sound like English

stranger in the dusk
wearing red lederhosen
I do not trust him

x-rayed xylophone haiku

middle-age snapshot
a cage around suspect lungs
bars of even bones

the beating drum heart
keeps time for the skeleton
to play the mambo

science proves to us
we carry a set of vibes
with us at all times

xenon haiku

noble noble gas
I picture a purple glow...
weighs more than argon

the exotic name
conjures outer space discos
weighs more than krypton

if the haikuboy
had to be an element
he would pick this one

x-rated haiku

winter afternoon
seven porn mags on table
what will neighbors say?

h-boy's sick fetish
his perverse haiku groping
best to turn away

the name of this blog
its links to obscene proverbs
someone should get fined

xerox haiku

like Kleenex before
this name became the same as
the item it named

instant collation
of two hundred powerpoints
these are magic times...

the early cavemen
would gape in terror at how
fast we can copy

X-Men (a request from Mr. Hagenbrok) haiku

retractable claws
like Wolverine, his glasses
always on (Cyclops?)

I don't think he can
bend magnetic fields, but he
does twist metaphors

don't know where he lives
or what kind of work he does
Neil is a mutant

Who is it? haiku

cartoon handyman
climbing stairs with heavy tools
bird answers his knock

he ID's himself
"plumber...come to fix sink"
bird has no response

impatient reknock
bird and man repeat themselves
this will not end well

weatherproof haiku

autumn, the rains come
frogs will choose sleep in the mud
time to wax the deck

winter storm blanket
my cottage enwrapt in white
does the roof still leak?

wind howls under the door
I must leave tavern, head home
more antifreeze please

worst case scenario haiku

lake breaches levee
whole neighborhoods are deluged
asshole clown in charge

what? haiku?

winter light obscured
windows mold with ice--I am
as clueless as you

the song of crickets
my companion speaks to me
can't hear a damn thing

friends are underwhelmed
thought at least haikuboy would
finish short stories

waffle haiku

bright August morning
the toaster pops, produces
twin discs of pleasure

unique surface of
this crenellated pastry
good traction for teeth

each boxy indent
a potential hiding place
for butter, syrup

Wayne Coyne, Manor, 's World haiku

mad singer in white
his painful tenor enchants
me and my stuffed bears

billionaire's mansion
butler, limo...usual
must spelunk for more

cable access gods
your mullets do not impede
your taste in chicks. SCHWING!

vision of Barney the Destroyer haiku

nappy purple fur
blank smile of oblivion
he will kill us all

I love you, you love
me, we're the many-armed beast
of armageddon

his image haunting
my feverish dreams--god, don't
click the link above!

very vapid haiku

I'm wearing my blue
shoes, Vanderbilt jeans, and my
cute, y'know, pink top

It's so hot today
When is the home team playing?
Want to see my scar?

"He is a good man,
a man of great character"
(not indicted yet)

vestibule haiku

further in than porch
not quite into the foyer
under the transom

I think I carried
at least two objecting girls
past threshold to there

one of the few parts
of my house or yours that can
rhyme with testicle

Valdez haiku

before he dated
my sister, he dated a
women named "Sister"

first name is David
but to me he is his last
name personified

proudly drank Bud Light
called every person
he cared for "Bubba"

Velvet Underground, Revolution, Fog haiku

Lou Reed may be your
hero (why not?) but Nico
is my role model

How cool must it have
been to stand up to Russia
with a bunch of plays?

Mel Torme is dead.
I will likely miss him more
than Jim Morrison.

vicious voles haiku

more ratlike than, say,
ferretlike, they may be cute
but watch out, they bite

a decent sized one,
say, big as a football--
chew your foot right off

twilight out of dusk
a hundred creeping vermin
run for your poor life!!

ulterior motives haiku

some think haikuboy
writes this crap for love of form.
nope. just to get chicks.

nobody just writes
poetry for its own sake
they write for the dough

poets know the score
a big payday results from
skillful metaphor

Utah? UTAH! haiku

Nickname: Beehive State.
There more to it than mormons?
Bet yer ass there is.

Pretty to look at
but can you get a drink there?
Hell yeah. Sweat it not.

Oddly-shaped state map
big lake--anything else there?
Sure 'nuff, effing a!

underpants haiku

invariably
when my poems use this word
it's gratuitous

no funnier term
for this--not boxers, panties,
briefs, skivvies, drawers

freshly laundered ones
folded neatly are in fact
even funnier

Uncle Chester's memorable sight gags haiku

his glasses askew
hair mussed, diagonal mouth
"I'm a Picasso!"

accomplished master
of the classics: got yer nose
and ouch! broke my thumb

to this day, when we
shake hands he bounces as if
my grip was that strong

uvula haiku

doctor's deadpan word
to sexpot Babs: "Care for it.
It'll behoove ya."

ululation will
at least in cartoons cause it
to dance like a snake

still, for all the fuss
one can't help wonder just what
the hell it is for

Ukiah haiku

I've never been there
know nothing about the town
but, who can resist?

used to know a guy
from up there, not that well, but
couldn't pass this up

north of Cloverdale
quiet town--is it in fact
the anti-haiku?

tabloid headlines haiku

Bigfoot Weds Yeti
Infant Born Wearing Pope's Hat
World's Fattest Mayor

Yeti Weds Pontiff
Bigfoot Baby Born in Spain
World's Fastest Milkshake

Bigfoot Elected
Infant Yeti Born to Pope
World's Lamest Haiku

tangential thoughts haiku

steamy August night
lying awake I think about
Superbowl Thirteen

chill morning light
October memories of
this time I burned toast

today at dinner
I remembered how to recite
the Wilbik Tree poem

true true haiku

Yo, what is up, G?
Watching the game drinking cheap
crappy canned lager.

is it funnier
when spoken by Superman
or well-hung squirrel?

none of it truly
happened - it's just some people
selling you a beer

that darn haiku

the garden party
shocked by penis reference.
rascally poem!

masturbation line
disturbs matrons' enjoyment.
verse, you are a scamp!

mean old man Fergus
has his plan ruined by this
clever metaphor

the haiku

difference between
a frog and Michigan J.,
specificity

first, original
or ur-haiku alone can
call itself this

would Marvel comics
or DC have use for this
new superhero?

Ted Kazsinski haiku

aviator shades
worn with a hooded sweatshirt
Unabomber chic

wrote him a letter
posted to his jail cell
(no return address)

store-bought haiku

running out of time
haikuboy picks convenience
over handmade verse

Monday's special deal
3-for-1 scratched, dented poems
can't pass up bargains

tart them up a bit
add a dash of metaphor
peel off the price tag

sort of solipsistic haiku

Exercise can cause pain.
To stay thin we must work out.
More donuts for me.

Smoking is bad for you.
Smokers are all sent outside.
Outside is bad for you.

Religion is good.
Poptarts are worshipful too.
Is Hell a toaster?

sexual missteps haiku

she and he check in
to hotel room - he brings up
her friend he dated

she seemed to smile
even wink at me - that's not
how husband saw it

moon can look like sun
facing away longish hair
asked that guy to dance

so there / so what haiku

The light in the trees
is too a verdant green hue.
I'll let Oprah know.

Time does not stand still
and you should not waste your life.
Sure...after Matlock.

Mom liked me better
and I drive a mercedes.
Let's send up a flare.

stoned haiku

No, wait, it's the moun-
tains. They are a symbol for
tall things in life. Right?

Like fish are good luck
because they stand for Jesus
and they're sometimes gold.

the morning's chill air
frost clings to

sandblasting haiku

like like attracts like
dirt, stone, glass disappear
dissolve to themselves

a powerful stream
or a decades-long caress
can erase faces

modern fashion tool
the shaper of stone monuments
used to soften jeans

September 7 haiku

much loved companion
I have held your hand, heard you
laugh at my pratfalls

September 8 haiku

I have shaved my beard
to feel with sensitive lips
a kiss to your head

September 13 haiku

just to make you laugh
see your wide genuine smile
I feel nirvana

September 15 haiku

irresistible
beautiful force of your will
your powerful heart

September 22 haiku

amazing fierce eyes
the sway of any room or stage
yours for the taking

September 31 haiku

there is no such day
life springs from such mystery
and yet there it ends

reality haiku

it's the first haiku
and sunlight is quick to get
voted off the page

frog explains in dark
"sunlight thought he was so bright..."
others turn on frog

that we live in time
always present, never past
is last one standing

ranch dressing haiku

thinned spiced mayonaise
doesn't begin to describe
this precious substance

was I eight or nine
when I first succumbed to its
white viscuous magic?

clinging to french fry
great hidden valley temptress
you toy with my heart

rubber baby buggy bumpers haiku

fall fell far from France
so since sweet sister Charlotte
felt free, France felt fine

giant Jenny grew
grain just as adjacent Joy's
jumped Gail's garage

many mini men
manned Maine mines minus money
managers minted

Rex the axolotl haiku

slant afternoon sun
shines on sleeping lizard king
floating in limbo

evening arrives
time for supper, the large ball
of intertwined worms

prehistoric beast
made miniature by time
now fits in fishtank

Roger, the poetry editor at Wazee Journal haiku

bearded and sandals
a casual mien belies
his great taste in poems

I enjoy his work
and not just because I have
three poems in to him

haikuboy smiles.
what conflict of interest?
(you're the greatest, Rog.)

random words haiku

tomato neck bread
wednesday wheeling Panama
dusty moose dusty

Wenceslas tacos
arigato c'est le geurre
Krankenschwester da

gim figgle gumbo
la patapa finaro
Stupp aluminum

qwerty haiku

quick foxes jump and
lazy dogs revive themselves
with tang and milkbones

it's crazy minding
our P's and Q's because
the vowels jinx us, Frank

moose quacks excite me
the way great zebra jive feeds
your playful moments

Queen lyrics haiku

is this the real life
or is it just fantasy?
caught in a landslide

I want to ride my
bicycle, I want to ride
my bike, I want to

fat-bottomed girls you
make the rockin' world go
round. uhnh uhnh uh-uh

questions without answers haiku

break a cheese sandwich
in two--do you have two halves
or two sandwiches?

where do all those poor
lost virginities end up
after prom season?

what is under there?
under where? there, under that
crate of underwear.

quickie haiku

it is some season
and there's this guy walking west
something he forgets

the light on blahblah
something something a big splash
water is like something

let's see, start this thing
then write the next line, chop-chop!
finish it up fast

Quisp or Quake haiku

sweetened corn saucers
or the same in nugget form
they asked us to vote

quazy alien
pitted against muscle boy
with earthquake hammer

space guy won the fight
big man left the shelves, came back
though, with Quangaroos

queue haiku

an orderly line
on which I stand near the back
waits for next haiku

a poem comes along
clever, but only has room
for first five standers

finally! free verse
rumbles into the station
we can all get on

proctological examination haiku

since I turned forty
doctor's visits cause for dread
"OK, drop your shorts!"

difficult event
in any man's life: the glove,
no foreplay, nothing

space aliens come
often to a trailer park
favor anal probes

Powerpuff Girls haiku

nominal leader
bright red crimefighting get-up
Blossom kicks some tush

Bubbles, the blonde one
her high-pitched squeak of a voice
masks a real killer

troubled middle child
Buttercup fights the hardest
scares Mojo Jojo

post-modern haiku

fall is a symbol
the empty lotus pad too
they mean death, get it?

this haiku right here
contains the three standard lines
but no images

light season weather
lake frog mountain wanderer
relevance joke twist

police car in my rearview mirror haiku

hurried morning drive
we're all speeding on Broadway
crap! who's that back there?

I speed up to turn
before the arrow goes red
cruiser follows me

flashing turning light
sick adrenaline feeling
whew! he passes me

paranoid haiku

so it's morning and
the frog has left the river
plotting to kill me

fall descends on me
just me though, everyone else
gets some more summer

winter light on lake
single duck hasn't flown south
stayed here to kill me

plunger haiku

noble appliance
willingly stick its head where
no others will go

suction cup arrow
in so many great cartoons
would that work, really?

I got a new one
larger for my new house's
troublesome toilets

open all night haiku

eleven o'clock
all the less worthy haiku shops
have shuttered their doors

one thirty AM
what kinds of dangerous men
want verse at this hour?

fifteen before four
in the parking lot noone
there to see this poem

overachiever haiku

is it impressive
or pathetic to haiku
through the alphabet?

oblong haiku

ichthyologists eschew gastropods, search out marine vertebrates illumination comes from late spring sun through trees chlorophyllic anaconda-like the days wrap their coils round me inevitibly

October surprise haiku

1970
Michelson's dog got out, chased
us trick-or-treaters

I was attending
the Columbus Day parade
in Berkeley, CA

Bay Bridge World Series
Oakland and San Francisco
earthquake breaks Bay Bridge

Oklahoma is a cooler place than most people think haiku

a much hipper state
than people assume it is
Flaming Lips from there

my friend Charlie L.
grew up somewhere near Tulsa
and he's very cool

even Bob Newhart
last episode of his show
sings about the place

orange julius haiku

the proto-smoothie
fruit shakes and fatty hot dogs
long before frappes

three flavors of shakes
pineapple and strawberry
besides just orange

food court pioneer
there I ate many a kraut
and pineapple lunch

nostril maintenance haiku

more than forty years
without a nosehair clipper
I look back in shame

number nine haiku

the White Album
what I love about it is
its pointless riffing

oddly in old age
my long stable shoe size
has swelled up that big

I had a long dream
in which I walked the alleys
with Ernest Borgnine

nerf football haiku

perhaps my totem
in the toy world--the best
were the two-toned ones

to a small shy boy
afraid of all contact sports
this soft ball gave hope

warm autumn morning
my dad gives it a deep squeeze
throws a perfect pass

New Caledonia haiku

a WWII port
obviously liberated
by McHale himself

then there was that time
that Parker dropped depth charges
on Leadbottom's jeep

no haiku cycle
can be called complete sans one
Borgnine reference

neighbors from my past haiku

Durant Avenue
Sukhdev, from apartment six,
asks to borrow fork

Norwood Circle flat
enjoyed Leslie's soft sweet moans
through the bedroom wall

Pine Street apartment
Catholic Ginny downstairs
did not like my poems

Nixon haiku

of modern era
presidents, he is surely
the funniest one

the growly low voice
the jowl shaking tic--fun
to impersonate

he resigned, wisely
spared the country some pain
and taxpayer dough

Ms. Milavec, my ninth-grade English teacher haiku

she read us Macbeth
and assigned science fiction
truly a hip chick

unassuming woman
well educated and no
criminal record

sure she taught us poems
but she is not liable
for these damn haikus

murphy bed haiku

cool bachelor pad
knock twice on the chesterfield
mattress drops from wall

source of classic gags
hapless hero tries to sleep
folds up like drawbridge

mayonnaise haiku

slippery white food
turns ordinary tuna
into sandwich gold

must have been dreamed up
by a god big enough to
eat the universe

monster mash haiku

working in his lab
late one night, Boris beheld
a dancing zombie

out from his coffin
gentleman named "Drac" requests
Transylvania twist

mission impossible haiku

stand back Mr. Smith
this haiku will self-destruct
in seven seconds

moose haiku

welcoming antlers
home to squirrels and other
critters, poor Thidwick

totem animal
of one of my favorite
people in the world

live haiku

epiphanic dream
my dad comes back to tell me
"life is for living"

lurk haiku

nighttime hunkers down
reading lamp is toggled off
noise under the bed

surface of the sea
I fear for my submerged legs
something just brushed past

Lend-Lease Act of 1941 haiku

pretext to world war
or just helping some allies
only Franklin knew

one of those great facts
American history
makes us remember

tanks and planes and stuff
basically given out
free from Uncle S.

L.L. and L.B. and L.L. Bean haiku

a streak in the sky
Superman off to see Lex,
Lois, or Lana

Lenny Bruce, Lester
Bangs, or Leonid Brezhnev
not Lippy Baboon

too hot summer days
but my latest catalog
is filled with fleecies

lesser of two evils haiku

the front door opens
should I stay or should I go
cold out, cold within

another brown cloud
my car too is culpable
but the bus has left

I don't make you read
sections of my damn novel
just haiku instead

lyrics misheard haiku

'lectric guitar riff
Hendrix begs our indulgence
while he kisses guy

a popular song
Simon asks mom not to throw
chromasones away

two-chord rock classic
all Joey, DeeDee want is
a piece of date bread

lobster haiku

bitter crustacean
with the one large red handshake
not that friendly though

dappled undersea
one scuttles up to other
transaction occurs

cabin in Maine
brother in law picks one up
waves it in my face

Krazy Kat haiku

haiku-worthy beast
if ever there was a one
in love with a mouse

cockeyed desert light
there is a zen-like beauty
to throwing a brick

"my l'il angel,"
he sighs to Ignatz Mouse
getting his bean creased

kind haiku

visions of future
when you speak of this haiku
and I know you will...

those who waste thier lives
writing cheap 3-line poems
should stick with their own

Ken haiku

twilight of idols
can we really ever know
the plastic boyfriend?

to my slim knowledge
there was Barbie,Skip,Heather
only one of him

and Trixie and Jo
for a guy with no johnson
he sure got a lot

Khartoum haiku

sun of Orient
or some damn exotic place
evocative name

in Sudan I think
when did we stop calling it
"The Sudan," pity...

odd--also the name
of that unfortunate horse
whose head is in bed

knewel post haiku

not just functional
it serves as great example
of the silent K

the morning clouds pass
but this fine erect stanchion
still guards the staircase

in that one movie
with a young Jimmy Stewart
he kisses its head

koala bear haiku

cute marsupial
a great word, marsupial
funny, like kumquat

looks so cuddly
but watch out: got big ol' claws
rip you a new one

no need for water
gets from eucalyptus
his name means "no drink"

jello mold haiku

the one thing better
than red tinted gelatin
is that Utah-shaped

summer's warm daylight
glistening on wobbly side
of green Nixon's head

Justice League of America haiku

advanced equipment
state of the art headquarters
not enough parking

evil is afoot
when will superheroes come
must finish lunch first

Superman hates Flash
Batman dates Wonderman
Aquaman is pissed

jury of one's peers haiku

harsh light of justice
my fate will be decided
by donut addicts

if masturbation
is a federal offense
I'll be empanelled

Jet Li haiku

don't make the dude mad
(as if that were possible)
punch your head clean off

no doubt he's a god
the man flies without wires
kicks everyone's ass

jade monkey haiku

full moon creeps upward
the talisman is missing
curses will ensue

the dark of midnight
we must find idol by dawn
oh, it's in my car

justification haiku

I must write haiku
so that my writing scene peers
will still respect me

it was not easy
but I chose this form to use
because it was short

isthmus haiku

connector of lands
does the Panama Canal make
two peninsulas

geography term
one of the very few words
that rhymes with Christmas

illegal haiku

not shoplifting
not jaywalking, my worstest crime
is bad meter

of course, nuttin's worse
what when you deface the form
with your bad grammar

the bench warrant is
for my bad writing, not for
when I killed that guy

Itchy and Scratchy haiku

cat can't catch a break
as soon as he escapes bomb
he's vivisected

rodent's manic smile
obvious sadistic glee
"Itchy's a jerk"

doesn't matter who
disembowls the other one
the kids always laugh

intermittent haiku

rain beating on roof

the pigeons are wise


cracking winter ice
a single red     passes
fish


sun             moose
never                 biting
lucky          !

ipso facto haiku

late springtime breezes
burrito dinner last night
therefore morning gas

dusk, leaving office
forgot my parking pass
therefore car is towed

the heat of summer
long walk to the convenience store
therefore large slurpee

iguana named Gilgamesh haiku

light through the window
warm resting large lizard
built Uruk, you know

why are you so strong?
ripping green twigs off stick
with your scaly arms

part god, part lizard
our powerful crested pet
you've seen everything

Hubert H. Humphrey haiku

light of history
warms the elfin face of Hugh
from Minnesota

liberal icon
happy warrior, good fight
not all that scary

his kind no longer
around--hope is hard to make
fears are quite easy

hamburger helper haiku

don't knock it just yet
can't say how many nights saved
thanks to beef noodle

it has helped much more
than its old ally ground beef
tuna, tofu too

simple, smart system
many meats taste much better
with shitloads of salt

haiku haiku

it's traditional
start with a weather image
in only five beats

next with seven
we get something specific
a bird, frog, rock, sound

then there is a twist
again with only five beats
that finishes it

Hanna Barbera haiku

moon over quarry
all is quiet in Bedrock
save lone voice: "Wilma!"

a sunlit sprocket
and monotone robot maids
how did George get here?

poor Old Man Smithers
meddling kids won't let him
get away with it

how haiku

question number six
when the w's are gone
hardest to answer

snow on a spring day
haiku is easy to write
real question is "when?"

indian likes eggs
cowboy greets him with cliche
indian says "fried"

hatrack haiku

lamp, table, chaise lounge
no other piece of furniture
sounds so biblical

like the chesterfield
it's outdated in a way
nobody wears hats

in the afternoon
I could stroll through the front door
fling my fedora

good haiku

weather references
good haiku or bad haiku
it's in the last line

as on a cold morning
haikuboy's fragile ego
snaps like brittle ice

a good haiku gives
very much like a good pee
shiver of pleasure

genius haiku

live is to evil
I take the damn mensa test
my IQ don't rate

frog squats on a stone
my father naps in a chair
such a smart smart man

haiku or epic
three lines versus three thousand
schlub versus success

go haiku

five years of Spanish
no phrase sticks more in my mind
"se fue a Safeway"

of the four corners
jail, go there, free parking
at least this pays cash

cool dusk settles in
astride the black and white squares
homeboy flips a tile

water on shoulder
car pulled over for cover
when you gotta go

greased pig haiku

the sun stays out late
but time still feels hard to hold
like a buttered boar

morning in wheatfield
lone farmer scratches his head
who oiled the oinkers?

google haiku

what is haiku
how to write haiku-poems
links references

haiku for people
haiku (break) how to haiku
a haiku homepage

google for haiku
my site hidden in the mists
of real low rankings

greed haiku

dappled light reflects
from the wavy pond surface
second bone fools dog

warm spring morning drive
my eyes fix on passing sign
lotto jackpot's up

the chilly bread line
has some new faces today
chairman's bonus paid

fire extinguisher haiku

good to BBQ
now that longer days are here
douse that grease fire

sleek red reflective
cylinder, pull the trigger
smothering foam spews

death may stalk us all
with harsh all-consuming flames
meet my red metal friend

furtive haiku

early spring grey chill
sneaking out the house early
("forgot" the trash bag)

clouds descend this morn
lone duck shrieks in the cold air
I stop for donuts

flatulence haiku

warm autumn wind
with age comes valued wisdom
and excessive gas

elevator air
no eye contact can be made
who smelt it dealt it

this warm spring weather
sounds of larks and geese return
good to fart outside!

feudal society haiku

brown late summer sun
barley will be harvested soon
let the serfs do it

chill in the workplace
new lord in corner office
random sacks ensue

the rich get richer
the middle class treads water
who's the peasant here?

frosted flakes haiku

indoor winter day
breakfast of sweetened corn shards
the kids bounce off walls

memory of fall
plastic spoon churns to finish
before wilting starts

kitchen lit by moon
glistens off sugary glaze
sneaking late night snack

fester haiku

mouth lightbulb like sun
christopher lloyd's marquee role
this sexy bald man

chill night in graveyard
while gomez blows up his trains
brother digs for bones

autumn slanting light
on new yorkers of my youth
monk-robed cartoon ghoul

element haiku

cold buzzing red glow
martini shaped noble tubes
neon miracle

the boiling water
outside the chemistry class
dropped the lithium

rare earth actinide
tribute to the golden state
californium

Elton John haiku

large white man stands up
shaking can to pop music
tiny dancer? right.

gay Brit songwriter
his tunes are safer these days
I miss the glasses

candle in the wind
music for the lion king
co-opt city, man

elephant haiku

even nine blind men
groping the beast's giant parts
shed no light at all

along with the moonlight
there is a giant in the room
we don't discuss it

nose like a firehose
reaching delicately for
orange foam peanuts

eros haiku

ice melts in the creek
I am enjoying marriage
that goddam cupid

e.g. haiku

colder these mornings
I must view snow like a child
e.g. snowball fights

elevator haiku

frigid winter noon
without fail, stop on floor three
the cafeteria

the warmth of many bodies
clustered in this moving womb
we all stare forward

fifth floor, the bulb lights
doors open to nooone, close
invisible man

dentist's chair haiku

beige acoustic tiles
the ceiling cannot muffle
my quiet sobbing

scraping calculus
from behind my incisors
always hated math

the hygenist squints
wipes my blood off her specs
should really floss more

decongestant haiku

snowy winter night
my dark nostrils burn like coal
way too much nose spray

3am cold moon
reading magazines alone
sudafed still working

desert boots haiku

kicking the dried mud
you cannot mar my tan toes
hush puppies sucka

warm as Gobi wind
sun lighting up the suedey
round nubby toecap

dessicant haiku

the weather moistens
my electronics are safe
with this bag of beads

decency haikus

afternoon sun slants
thinking about sex again
squinting guilty eyes

thin gutter ice holds
a frozen condom wrapper
last night was that cold

cloudy at lunchtime
nobody to witness me
buying junk food lunch

dessert haikus

that gleaming oil slick
atop her chocolate cheesecake
bestrides my colon now

at night the world groans
I should have stopped at one piece
instead of two more

chrismiss haiku

days darken early
there is less and less time
to buy cheap presents

white sparkles of light
gleam on my neighbors front porch
Xmas cheer my butt

a spiral of snowflakes
touching my head and hands
where is my parked car?

consumer haiku

bathed in pale blue light
so many pictures of shoes
I click add to cart


fading afternoon sun
shines on my shopping list
damn, forgot the milk


the green of neon
promising more than half off
on shirts I don't need

career haikus

blue autumn light fades
across the employee handbook
checking flextime rules

another year passes
in silence and servitude
where is my sweepstakes

this silent afternoon
interrupted by keyboard clicks
checking job postings

commuter haikus

crisp winter morning
smoke plumes from huge SUV
get out of my lane

a chill in the air
waiting to cross busy street
psycho bus driver

sun glints on the ice
in my next life I will be
a carburetor

condo haikus

the falling of leaves
I no longer own a rake
neighbors do the work

fall descends quickly
but not the swirling water
low-flow toilets

a rumble of earth
my pristine view to the north
disturbed by backhoes

cube farm haiku

long afternoon looms
the walls of upholstery
turn mossy with dread

butt fetish haiku

not an obsession--
but the first recorder tune
I learned: "Backdoor Man"

Callipygea
oh muse of such wondrous art
shake that money thang

not that haikuboy
is uncomfortable, but
above about chicks